Coming Out:
Maria's Story
Maria Warren grew up in a very religious family that kept growing as her parents adopted three more children. She knew that she had different feelings, but she did not know how to articulate them. She immersed herself in religion to try and rid herself of these feelings and the church reinforced to her that these feelings were wrong. Her father also held anti-LGBTQ+ views, which furthered her drive to hide these feelings. By age 12, Maria knew that she was a lesbian, but with no one else around her displaying the same feelings as her, she continued to hide them. She describes herself as being in the “odd crew” in both middle school and high school. She was known to defend herself, so people refrained from making remarks to her. It was only when she started high school that she began to hear these derogatory remarks.
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Photos of Maria from her childhood
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Maria discusses her children discovering her sexuality and their support
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At 19, Maria decided that marriage might be the solution and make these feelings go away. She had never had a partner before, and her first experience with sexual relations nearly traumatized her. A few years into her marriage, they separated and during this separation Maria came out. They were separated for two years and eventually her family pushed her to try and save her marriage. So, she came out to her husband, and they started couples counseling. When this didn’t work, her husband outed her to her whole family, and they separated for good. Maria stopped attending church out of shame and to protect her mother.
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Maria discusses the partial freedom she felt after her initial separation
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Photos of Maria from her adult life as a proud, queer woman
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When Maria moved to York, she got in contact with and joined PFLAG [Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays], a support group that became her rock in the community. They were there for her at her loneliest time. She is still an active member there, helping those who came after her so that they do not have to go through the same experience as her. Her children found out about her sexuality at different moments, but all of them offered nothing but support to their mother.
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“—and I think that was one of my fears is that they wouldn’t be supportive, even though I did raise them to love people for who they are and not to discriminate in any way. So—but it was still that fear, that underlying fear was still there that they may not—may not accept me, but that didn’t happen, so it’s all okay.” – Maria Warren on the fear of coming out to her children. |
Maria discusses accepting herself and life after her full separation from her husband
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