Coming Out:
Heidi's Story
Heidi Notario was born in Cuba in 1973 where she grew up under the political idea of socialism. At school, she and her friends created a newspaper that questioned the government and the reality of their ”utopic” society as those in government positions were given much more than the average citizen. They were told these topics would be off limits or the paper would be shut down. Heidi emigrated to the United States when she was 23. She had studied English but was not fluent; her mother and grandmother followed soon after. Her father stayed in Cuba and due to his position, she was not able to communicate with him until a large part of Cuba’s economy came from families sending money to their relatives. Having been raised in Cuba, she was taught that Americans were evil and hated Cubans, but she found this was not true. She came to Allentown, PA where a large Latino population was located and began working at a daycare for children learning English. This not only helped her to learn English, but she had a colleague from Puerto Rico that she found solace in.
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She went back to college, attending Moravian University in Bethlehem and started studying sociology, an option never offered to her in Cuba. She was afraid that she may not do well due to her language skills, but she was heavily supported by the dean and eventually went to graduate school at Lehigh University in Allentown. She became a social worker working with children whose parents only spoke Spanish and a group that advocated for people with disabilities. This brought her to Harrisburg where she got more involved with the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence and began her anti-violence work.
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Heidi discusses the increase in support for LGBTQ+ people in Cuba
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By the time Heidi was starting to question her sexuality, she was married and had a child. She had not thought about her sexuality much as Cuba was not a safe place for LGBTQ+ individuals when she was there. They faced a lot of homophobia and judgement, and it was a very heteronormative society. She had an epiphany about her sexuality this shocked her, so she went to therapy. Her marriage ended around the time her mother came over. She was scared to come out to her, but when she did, she was met with love and support. She has not come out to her father as they are not close, but she came out to her son when he was 6 which led to his motivation to be an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community. She went back to Cuba to visit her friends and come out to them. When she came out to her best friend who was also gay, he said he knew; all her friends were supportive and wanted her to be happy. The climate in Cuba surrounding the LGBTQ+ community has changed drastically since then as the president’s daughter has come out in support of the Transgender community which also provided visibility for other members of the LGBTQ+ community. Cuba now holds pride festivals and marches in celebration of LGBTQ+ identity.
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She has become very involved with the LGBT Center of Central Pa as the Vice President, and then President, of the board and has a strong commitment to the younger generation. She actively involved them in the process of finding a new executive director as an intentional way of showing them that their opinion on the decision matters. She has also spoken at the LGBT Center’s GSA summit at Dickinson College and participates in a lot of the fundraising efforts. Her sexuality has become a political stance for her and directed her to looking at intimate partner violence within the LGBTQ+ community. Homophobia plays a large role in why this issue is rarely discussed because many are not ready to come out or systems themselves are homophobic. She says that she hopes the LGBT Center will start to track violence against LGBTQ+ individuals in order to help with education and funding to help combat it.
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Heidi discusses realizing her LGBTQ+ identity and coming out to her mother
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She used to be scared to hold her partner’s hand as it used to be one would have to negotiate their safety at every step which can be exhausting. She says with age she has gained the privilege of not caring. She is out in nearly all aspects of her life and receives acceptance from the communities she is a part of, however, this still does not completely eliminate the fear of homophobia. The Trump presidency was especially frightening for her as both an immigrant and a lesbian as all the work she’s done was at risk. It almost came down to her leaving the country out of fear, but her son grounded her and said they had to stay and fight whatever happens.
In her eyes, sometimes the community is complicit in the oppression of others within the community especially in terms of the rising population of homeless LGBTQ+ youths. As this does not affect all members of the LGBTQ+ community, they pay less attention to the issues, but the community needs to learn to see that violence against one of us is violence against us all. This sentiment holds true for transgender people as they face much higher rates of violence than any other member of the community.
In her eyes, sometimes the community is complicit in the oppression of others within the community especially in terms of the rising population of homeless LGBTQ+ youths. As this does not affect all members of the LGBTQ+ community, they pay less attention to the issues, but the community needs to learn to see that violence against one of us is violence against us all. This sentiment holds true for transgender people as they face much higher rates of violence than any other member of the community.
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Heidi discusses the privilege of age in her identity, but at times
is still concerned about her safety. |
Heidi discusses the need to come together to solve violence against one’s community, especially regarding LGBTQ+ youth homelessness.
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